Archive for the ‘loaf ramblings’ Category

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Loaves’ Loaves

May 6, 2010

A while ago me and my ex coworker Dann came up with the best restaurant ever.  It was called Loaves’ Loaves. Obviously it would be a bakery and it would have like, ultra pretentious expensive coffee because that’s a good business model. The loaves of bread would be shaped like cat loaves so we would obviously need some fine sculptors in order to make it a reality. The menus would be in LOLCATS speak and you’d be required to order the food in that way.

Anyway, the real magic would be the commercials. While I’m graduating with a degree in time based media, I really suck at animation so I can’t really make it a reality, but it’s the thought that counts? There were three commercials we came up with:

Loaf Beach-There would be just like a big beach full of loaves, all sitting calmly by the sunset. They would be facing away from the camera. Then this generic deep man commercial voice would narrate “Have you been looking for somewhere you can just kick back and loaf around? Here at Loaves’ Loaves, we’re just….” and then as he says “loafin’ around” all the cats’ eyes slowly close simultaneously and the little Loaves’ Loaves logo would appear. (this is where the little slogan for the Loaf Blog came from)

Loaf Bakery-The second commercial would be this generic kind of deal. There’d be all these scenes of bread baking and all these ultra professional chefs rolling dough and stuff.  At the end of the commercial they’ll set one of the loaves of bread down on a plate on the ground. The narrator would be back to again say the slogan “At Loaves’ Loaves we’re just…loafin’ around”. But like, as he narrates, a small kitten walks up to the loaf, takes a bite, and after he says “loafin’ around” the kitten meows.

Loaf in the Name of Loaf-probably the crowning achievement of all the loaf commercials would be this one. There’s this big fancy stage and lights and pink glitter all over the place.  The song “Stop in the Name of Love” starts playing and you see these cat loaves in dresses kind of dancing/spinning around to the music.

The lyrics to the song have been replaced with “Loaf in the name of loaf, before you break my loaf”. I can’t remember the exact things the narrator was supposed to say (you know, despite this one being the work of art that it is), but at the end the dancing and music slows down and the cats are facing away from the viewer. The light in the room slowly goes bright white and as the narrator says “Loaves’ Loaves….we’re just loafin’ around” the cats’ heads slowly turn and face the viewer. I need to give David Lynch a call since I feel this would be up his alley. Because I kind of picture the slow part in the end creeping people the hell out.

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Loaf Beginnings

May 6, 2010

Some of you may be confused about what loaves are and why on Earth I made a blog about them.  So sit down my child and I shall tell you a tale.

Long ago a coworker told me she called cats loaves of bread because they look like a loaf of bread when they kind of sit in that way where they’re all like, their legs are under them and stuff.  So from then on I would call my cats loaves of bread when they were sitting like that.

I eventually started drawing tons of little loaves all over the place at work because we’re pretty dead during the week.  My coworker Dann saw them and really enjoyed them. We started having big complex philosophical discussions about loaves and how they are the world and the universe and all that is alive. Because loaves=everything.

The idea that loaves are everything was then expanded upon in the anthology Cat Odes where the Loaf Armeh fought the Anti Loaves. The whole story between the Loaf Armeh and the Anti Loaves will be left for another day.

But yeah.

That about covers it. What started as an observation a coworker made eventually took on a life of its own.